Smoke on the water, and Fire in the sky

This happened a few years ago, back in the day when we were young and reckless. It's a hilarious story worth telling a hundred times over, legendary. To this very day, my friends and I sit by the fire, with ale in our hands and a fair maiden on our laps, and recite the story. And this is how it runs-


'Twas the thirty-first of October, Halloween, Diwali, and more importantly to this story, my birthday (and also the day where many a man has died a gruesome death, as my cousins tell me with sarcastic smiles). Tar, Chai, Moony, RS, Ra and I had just finished lunch. Moony doesn't do much anyway, in any situation, so I'm not going to be mentioning him anywhere, because he doesn't make a difference to the story. The Scooby Doo movie we were scheduled to see was still a few hours off. I suggested we go back to my place and burn away time there. I still had a cache of firecrackers. So we all hopped into Ra's car and drove back.
I live in an apartment, 3 floors, 1 house on each floor. We have a long driveway, and there is a house on either side of the driveway, separated by a short wall, waist-high. So if you are standing outside my building and facing the gate, on your left will be a two storied house, squat and square, with an old temperamental man living inside. On the right is a single story house, with a shed right next to the wall, and the house beyond the shed. What's more, the roof of the house and the shed are adjoining. The roof of the shed was actually a wire gauze. And there are dried leaves everywhere. Inside the house is an old lady, who is usually sleeping.
It didn't take us very long to run out of the bombs and rockets. Much as it is fun to place Laxmi bombs under buckets and watch them take off, or bury hydrogen bombs in a pile of sand and shower the entire place with it, we were still hungry for more. All we were left with were sparklers, those little, innocent sticks that crackle when you light them. We thought it would be thoroughly enjoyable to fling them in the air and watch their trails of fire. After we had exhausted those as well, we went out onto the streets to see if we could find other ways to destroy public property. It was then that one of us noticed that RS had not come outside with us.
"I notice that RS has not come outside with us," said one of us. So we ran back in to find RS stand facing the single story house with a hand raised, pointing towards the shed, and laughing uncontrollably. That was when we noticed the fire. It was small, but while we were standing there joining RS at staring at it, it soon grew into an inferno, consuming the entire shed.
"This is not good guys," I warned the others.
"We need to put this thing out, before someone sees it," said Tar.
"Got it!" exclaimed Ra, who looked like he had come up with a fantastic solution. "We need to somehow get water up there." He looked around at us, pleased at his genius.
The old man from the other house was outside by then. He decided that our time would be better spent getting shouted at by him. So he started to shout at us. We weren't sure why he was so upset. It wasn't his house that was on fire after all. "What do you boys think you are doing? Look at what you have done! Do you think this is a game?"
"Actually, that's preci-" started Chai, trying to carefully explain the situation.
"There are people living in that house! They could die you know!" Martin didn't seem to want to listen to us.
"Actually there's only one person in that house. And she is old, so she's going to die anyway," I put in, thinking that it might help.
He ignored me. "Look how big it is! If it spreads to the roof, the whole house will be ruined!"
"You know, Ra here had a fantastic solution to that problem," pointed Tar. Ra was nodding his head vigorously.
I ran upstairs to fetch a bucket. Just as I was leaving the house with it, the phone rang.
"Hello," I said.
"Yes, Mr.Bharath. This is Martin speaking. Your son and his destructive gang have set your neighbor's house on fire," said Martin, the old man who seemed to be very angry for some reason.
"But aren't you my neighbor? Why are you referring to yourself in third person?" I asked.
"Eh? No, I'm talking about your other neighbor. Mrs. Jayprasad. Your son set her house on fire."
"Ah, well, you know kids these days," I said. "They tend to experiment a lot. But thanks for informing me. I shall make sure nothing happens to the old lady." And with that I hung up and ran back down. Martin was back again, and had resumed shouting at Tar, Chai and Ra. RS was still pointing and laughing at the fire. He tends to behave that way when something fascinates him. It takes him quite a while for the novelty to fade away. Ra, who later admitted to starting the fire, and who was never one to stand up for anyone, decided to help me out with the bucket. There was a little pond in the old lady's house, filled with fish and plants.
"Fish," cried out Ra when he saw them. Ra was in the business of fish trafficking. He would bring plastic bags to school, and steal fish from the aquariums in the biology labs. He would then sell them in the black market as exotic species after adding pigments to them to make them look exotic.
"No time for that now man. You can steal them all later," I said dipping the bucket in and filling it with water and fish. It came out heavy, even with both of us lifting it. We made our way slowly to the shed, splashing water and fish out onto the ground. Ra had a pained expression on him every time a fish fell out.
"Dude, they are going to die! How can you be so cruel?" he complained.
"There's an old lady in that house who will get burnt if we don't stop that fire," I countered.
"What's more important? The old woman, or my busi- i mean fish. My fish."
"Ah well, you know what they say, all fish must die." We stood under the fire, with the bucket in our hands. RS was still standing on the other side, laughing. He had stopped pointing though.
"Ready?" I called. "On three. One, two, three, HEAVE." And we heaved. The water went up a foot in the air and came crashing back down, missing the fire by miles. There were fish flopping on the floor and the fire still raged above us.
"Oh my poor little things!" Ra was on his knees, picking up the dying fish and putting them in plastic bags that he procured from his self. "It's business man," he said.
All hope was lost. I was actually thinking of jumping the country, lest Martin put us in a juvenile correction facility. Then help came, from the unlikely source of Ra's driver. He had managed to obtain a pipe from somewhere. Chai took one end of it and attached it to the tap in Martin's compound. Martin was still shouting at whoever was left to shout at, which by that time was only Tar. RS had stopped laughing by then, but the fire still held his attention. Soon the flames were smothered, and all that was left was a gaping hole in the roof of the shed.
The old lady came out of her house in the end, oblivious to what was happening. She was happy to see so many kids though. Martin decided to spoil the fun by coming and complaining to her. He was bent on convincing her that we were psychopathic criminals out to destroy all her property. The old woman, senile as she was, didn't really care. She gave us sweets for being such nice boys and visiting her. Martin didn't get any. Neither did RS, who was still staring at the shed. He started to scratch his head after a while, slowly realizing that there was no fire anymore.
But the sour man wasn't done with us yet. He managed to get in touch with my parents, and told them all about our dastardly acts. My father rushed back and slapped me when he came home. My mother came home a few minutes later, smiling, and reminded us that we had a movie.
"I guess we learnt something today," I said as we left. "Sparklers are the most dangerous crackers!"
"Ya," agreed Chai. "So anyone up for aiming rockets at the xerox shop across my house next Diwali?"